


The Young and the Jaded

by MicroKitty1313



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Frottage, M/M, Teenage Logic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 23:17:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9040481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MicroKitty1313/pseuds/MicroKitty1313
Summary: Rin is a freshman at a University far away from home. Haru is a DJ at night on a student-run webcast. When Kisumi lets Rin hear the station the first time, Rin is intrigued. Not knowing that he's speaking to Haru, Rin develops feelings for the mysterious DJ.Sousuke just tries to be a good friend.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maybeillride](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeillride/gifts).



> Originally, Makoto played a bigger part in all of this but the story was getting really long so I ended up cutting out a lot. 
> 
> This is my very first time participating in a gift exchange. I hope I did your prompt justice. :3

Rin sighs, keeping his eyes cast down as he takes one of the last boxes from the moving truck. He doesn’t want to see the way the workers are looking at him, annoyed and pitying. His cheeks burn deeper with every quiet snicker he hears from other students passing by - eyeing his packed belongings on the sidewalk.

How stupid could he be? What idiot forgets which building his dorm is the day he’s supposed to be moving in? And just his luck, he couldn’t find a single person that would help him. The moment he’d stepped off the bus and answered his cell - the moving company letting him know they’d already arrived - he’d began to panic.

His heart hammered in his chest and his temples pulsed, making him feel disoriented and faint under the frustrated glares of the moving crew as he frantically, and pathetically, tried to stop _anyone_ that might could help him regain his bearings. A lot of the people were freshmen, new to the area, the same as him - so they were trying to remember the details of their own circumstances, not really in the position to help a fellow, insanely nervous, newbie.

The more experienced people that passed by seemed to enjoy watching him suffer, having forgotten how frightening this could be to someone not only new to the university but the city itself. Actually, he’s thousands of miles from home.

Rin thought that this would be his chance to come out of his shell. To remake himself and acquire more than just one friend. He’s regretting the decision now. He’s been told countless times that he’s an attractive guy, but his poor social skills, or lack thereof rather, is more noticeable than his ‘pretty face’ or toned body.

‘It’s a huge turnoff, dude’.

Those were the parting words of his last boyfriend, if you could even call him that. His relationships have never lasted for more than three months at most. He’s finally caught onto the fact that his partners tend to leave shortly after getting him in bed. This only adds to his insecurities. What if, on top of being too awkward for anyone to stick around, he’s a bad lay as well?

He sits on the sidewalk, sighing again and watches the moving van close up it’s doors and pull off. This was humiliating. He couldn’t just walk away from his belongings to scour the buildings for an employee to help get him sorted. Knowing his luck, he would return to find his stuff missing or scattered around the parking lot.

His stomach growls and he rolls his eyes, annoyed with himself for not listening to his mother and sister and packing some snacks ‘Just in case’. Checking his phone, he confirms that it is, in fact, well-passed lunch. This day couldn’t possibly get any worse. Or, it could. He still has to call his mom and let her know that he’s safely arrived on campus and made sure nothing was left behind in the hotel.

“Ah. Hello?”

Rin jolts from his thoughts, knocking two of his boxes over onto his duffel bag. He quickly stands, spinning on his heels to face the person that’d sneaked up on him, and stumbling back. The other guy is kind enough to reach out and firmly grasp Rin’s wrist to keep him from embarrassing himself further by falling on his ass.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you. You just looked a bit…”

Rin slides out of the other's grip and shoves his hands in his pockets, “Stupid?”

The other smiles softly, “You just looked like you needed some help. Lost?”

Rin nods, averting his eyes to the side. He needed help but now that someone noticed he just felt even worse about his situation. This guy has to think he’s a moron. He wants to say something, make a joke out of it, anything to break the tension, but as usual his words fail him. Even if he did manage to say something clever he would just start babbling and make things even more awkward.

“I take it you’re new. Freshman dorms are on the other side of campus but…”, the guy holds up a clipboard that Rin hadn’t noticed before, “What’s your name?”

“M-Matsuoka. Rin Matsuoka..”

The other hums, flipping through a few pages. His eyes light up and he taps his finger against the papers, “Aha! Right here! We were told the freshman dorms were full so a few might be placed elsewhere. Looks like you’re my responsibility”. He holds his hand out and waits patiently for Rin to catch on and shake it, “Makoto Tachibana. I’m the RA for the floor you’ll be staying on”.

“Could you… show me where exactly that is? I mean, you’re probably busy so if you don’t have the time that’s fine, I understand. I came here for a tour a few months ago but I’ve forgotten where everything is already, like a jackass, and I should be able to take care of myself but of course–”

Makoto places his hand on Rin’s shoulder, “Calm down. Things like this happen all the time. We’ll need some help getting your stuff to your room. It’s on the fifth floor. Give me one second, ‘kay?”

Rin tries to smile but it feels more like a grimace. He’s blushing, he knows he is because his cheeks feel like someone slapped him, which he thinks he probably deserves a good slap. He watches Makoto type something on his cell phone before their eyes lock.. again. This guy is big on eye contact and Rin wants to squirm because it makes him even more anxious, but he’s got to stay strong. He’s already made a bad first impression and he doesn’t want people thinking he’s a pushover, on top of an idiot.

Makoto’s phone chimes and he chuckles to himself then slips it back into his pocket, “My friends are on their way. Between the four of us, we’ll be able to get all of this in one trip. And, one of them is your roommate”.

“Wait.. wait, no! It’s bad enough that I’m bothering _you_. I don’t want the person I’ll be living with hating me already!”

Too late. Either Makoto didn’t hear Rin or he chose to ignore him because he was already calling out to two taller men before Rin had even finished his sentence. This could be bad. Don’t freshmen usually get picked on? Rin isn’t a small guy, he’d always been rather healthy but his sophomore year of High School he decided to bulk up to lessen the chances of him getting bullied because of his awkwardness. But these guys… all three of them together would have no problem doing whatever they wanted. They could cause some serious damage.

“Do I look like your fucking personal servant, Tachibana?”, the taller of the men barks.

Rin flinches. The guy looks scary, dark and brooding, almost like the ‘evil’ version of Makoto. Like the cliched twin scenario where one is the good guy and the other is his opposite in every aspect. Where one has light hair, the other has dark and so-on.

“Now _there’s_ an idea for later”, the other guy drawls, winking and a playful smirk curling his lips. Everything about him looks light and nonthreatening, other than his height. Judging by the well-defined muscles of his biceps, he shouldn’t be underestimated.

Well, one of them is going to be Rin’s roommate and he can’t just wait around for someone else to speak first. He needs to show that he can take initiative and break the ice on his own, “No homo, right?”, he chuckles nervously, then clears his throat and frowns at himself when he see’s the disapproving glare from the more menacing of the others.

The taller guy blinks, expression stuck in some weird form of exasperated disgust and blatant unwillingness to deal with any of Rin’s fuckery. He points to Rin, looking at Makoto, “What is _that_?”

“Don’t be mean!”, Makoto scolds, face flushing from secondhand embarrassment, “ _That_ is Rin. He’s Kisumi’s new roommate”.

The other guy, the one that doesn’t look like he wants to push Rin into traffic, shoulders the taller out of the way and leans forward, simultaneously getting into Rin’s personal space and possibly sizing him up, “I didn’t think Christmas was for another few months.”, he grins, “Makoto~, you shouldn’t have”.

“Uh…”, Rin thinks he should run. Especially now that the bigger guy’s expression has darkened and he looks to be mentally dismembering Rin, slowly. He needs to do something, say something, remove himself from the situation… ANYTHING!

Makoto sighs, nudging who Rin presumes to be _Kisumi_ away, and bends down to grab a couple of boxes, “You’re scaring him. BOTH of you”.

That seems to work, the other two men joining Makoto in picking up Rin’s belongings, and Rin has decided that Makoto Tachibana is a saint. The four of them manage to get everything to the room easily, with little discussion, which Rin is thankful for. That is until the larger of the four wordlessly opens a box and begins to remove the contents.

“HEY!”, Rin yelps. He balls his fists up, ready to try, and more than likely fail, to stop this prick from stealing his stuff.

The guy quirks an eyebrow, looking Rin from head to toe, then snorts, “Down, Killer. I just thought you might need help unpacking”.

Makoto scrubs his face with his hands, groaning, “Sousuke, don’t talk to him like he’s a dog. You’d get defensive if someone just randomly started going through your stuff, too”.

Sousuke(?) huffs, dropping some wires and small computer speakers onto Rin’s bare mattress, “Speaking of dogs, where’s bitch-boy Nanase? Why isn’t _he_ helping?”

“Shouldn’t you be the one that knows?”, Kisumi flops down on his own bed, rolling onto his back and letting his head hang off the side, “He’s your roomie, after-all”.

“T-thanks”, Rin stutters, getting the other men’s attention, “I’m sorry I caused you all so much trouble”. He nibbles at his bottom lip, “I’ll return the favor somehow”.

He expects to be ignored. He expects to be laughed at and mocked. To be made into a joke. Or maybe taken advantage of, being asked for all of his money for their services or something. What he doesn’t expect is a large hand to ruffle his hair and to see a much softer look on Sousuke’s face.

“S’fine, kid. We were all new once”.

“Sousuke… He’s our age”, Makoto sighs.

Kisumi rolls onto his stomach, propping his chin on the backs of his hands, “But he’s so cute. Like a baby. New to this world and full of wonder”. He smiles slyly, “Just waiting to be corrupted”.

“Kisumi, I’m the RA now. Please don’t cause any problems. No partying in the room,” Makoto pauses, considering his words, “Unless the other RA is on duty, then… by all means”.

“You’re a terrible influence”, Sousuke mumbles, turning away to hide his smirk and look around Rin’s side of the room.

Makoto hums, pretending to reflect on Sousuke’s statement, “Maybe. Really, don’t get Rin into any trouble, alright?”

Kisumi glances between the three others, eyes half-lidded and sparkling mischievously, “I make no promises”.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rin didn’t really have much stuff to unpack. The majority of it was his computer and accessories, which he took the most care setting up on his desk and hooking up the speakers. He has a small laptop as well, but he just prefers his desktop. His sister nagged him about how it would be more trouble than it was worth to lug it all to his new ‘home’, but it had all of his favorite games and movies downloaded on it. 

The few clothes he’d brought were pretty plain and had Kisumi wrinkling his nose and looking highly offended at just the thought of the garments being anywhere in the vicinity of his person. He vowed to take Rin shopping sometime in the next few days before classes were to actually start, calling it a public service.

“Are you just trying to fool people into thinking you’re ordinary? ‘Cause it isn’t working. You’re still hot… Just poorly dressed”

Rin has been blushing a maddening amount in the few hours since he’s arrived on campus, but now it isn’t because he’s ashamed of himself. He’s used to being complimented on his looks, but it’s usually followed by an attack on his personality. Some form of insult about how his attractiveness is being wasted on a person such as himself. Also, it doesn’t really feel like this guy is hitting on him, which is strange.

Normally, even with the negative remarks, anyone talking about his physical appearance is attempting to flatter him into sexual acts, playing off of his obvious low self-esteem in the process. But, Kisumi seems to just… be speaking what’s on his mind, nothing behind it. He’s flirtatious, sure. But it’s like that’s just a part of who he is.

“I don’t really think drawing attention to myself is the smartest move”, Rin admits, clenching his jaw and placing a pair of boxers in his small dresser inside his closet.

Kisumi leans forward, folding his arms on the backrest of his computer chair, eyebrows slightly knitting together, “Why’s that?”

Rin works his jaw, running through different ways to phrase what he wants to say that won’t make the other feel sorry for him or seem like he even wants the sympathy in the first place, “I don’t… I’m not exactly a people-person. Anytime I open my mouth I’m usually shoving my foot so far in I’m amazed it hasn’t come out my ass yet”.

This makes Kisumi laugh, leaning back in his chair and holding onto the backrest while he spins around, “Well, so do I. But, I make it work. People love me for it”. He puts his feet back onto the floor to stop the chair from rotating, “You just need a confidence boost. We’ll work on it”.

Rin freezes once he reaches the bottom of his duffel bag. He doesn’t even know why he brought this stuff. The lube is embarrassing but Kisumi is a guy so he probably won’t make too much fun of Rin for his preference of brand. The problem lies in the other items. He’s only used them a handful of times when that particular urge hits him, so he didn’t really need them with him now.

Gou, he reminds himself. 

His little sister had a bad habit of snooping through his room while he lived there so he knew that the second he was gone she was probably delving into every nook-and-cranny and the darkest parts of the cubby-hole in the back of his closet that he hasn’t used since he was a child. But now, he’s debating on which would have been worse, Gou finding his ‘masturbation aids’, or the chance of his roommate seeing them.

Choosing to leave the other items in his bag and slide it under his bed with his foot, he turns to face the other and gestures to the short refrigerator and microwave of their suite, “Did you buy those?”

“Nope”, Kisumi replies, popping his lips at the end of his answer. “Uni property. Not all the rooms have them, we lucked up. Well…”, he smiles, a hint of affection gracing his features, “Makoto pulled some strings. I guess the luck came in to getting placed on his floor”.

“Oh. Is… Sousuke… on this floor, too?”

Kisumi raises an eyebrow, “Why? Interested in him?”

Rin jumps, eyes going wide, “N-no! I just thought… You three seemed like you’re really close and I just assumed–”

Kisumi giggles, covering his mouth with his hand, “You’re adorable. And not subtle at all. He’s not too bad, once you get to know him. He just _looks_ like he kicks puppies for a living. Just wait til you meet his roommate. Haru is…”, Kisumi narrows his eyes, searching for the right word, “difficult. He rarely talks, even to us. And he has this weird secret life thing going on”.

“Secret life?”, Rin sits on his bed, thoughts jumping to what that could possibly mean. “Like… a drug dealer or something?”

Kisumi laughs hard enough he almost falls out of his chair, “Haru? A drug dealer? No, no. Nothing like that. He’s a–” Kisumi closes his mouth, effectively cutting himself off from whatever he was about to say, “Well, we’re all sworn to secrecy. It’s nothing bad. He just likes his privacy”.

Kisumi’s phone jingles in his pocket and his eyes practically glimmer when he reads the text, “Gotta go. Booty call. Um, help yourself to anything in the fridge. I’ll expect you to contribute starting next week and we share whatever’s in there. None of that labeling crap. Actually, if you put your name on something, I’m going to make sure it’s the first thing I eat”, he smiles, friendly and teasing. “See you later. Oh! Makoto is right across the hall if you need anything”.

~ * ~

“Scared of me?”, Sousuke asks, removing two containers from a take-out bag and placing it on the table they’d claimed as theirs the year prior, “Why?”

Kisumi watches the other take the lid off of his fried dumplings then that strange concoction of shrimp, squid, and crab Sousuke usually get’s when he and Haru are on a budget, “I said he’s wary of you. Not scared. Can’t blame him, though. Maybe if he saw you the way _I_ do–”

Haru visibly shivers, “No one wants to see that”. He watches Sousuke fishing out his chopsticks from the bag and takes the opportunity to snag a shrimp from his roommate's dish, popping it into his mouth and chewing quickly.

“Fuck off, Nanase”, Sousuke stares at his food once he’s gotten the sauce and other necessities settled, then narrows his eyes at Haru, “Did you take some?”

Haru pauses, slowly blinks, then continues chewing, “No”.

Sousuke glares at Haru for a moment then turns his attention back to Kisumi, “So, how're things going with the new kid?”

It’s been three days since Rin’s arrival. Other than Kisumi, none of the others have really had a chance to talk to him, being busy with getting their own affairs sorted and gearing up for classes. Things have been interesting, to say the least.

“He’s only a few months younger than you, ya know?”, Kisumi smiles, “He’s cute. A bit self-conscious. When we finish eating lunch I’m taking him shopping. No fashion sense”.

Sousuke clears his throat, slightly tilting his head to the side to point out Rin and Makoto making their way over, pizza boxes in hand. Kisumi stands to help take some of the things from their arms.

“Yo”, Sousuke greets, smoothly sliding his food to his other side, away from Haru’s hand that had been slowly creeping it’s way closer to the take-out container.

“H-hi”, Rin smiles, meek and closed-mouthed. His eyes slide to the other person at the table, the only one out of the group he hasn’t met yet. He must be Sousuke’s roommate Kisumi was talking about. He was right. This guy has a poker-face that rivals Sousuke’s. He’s just staring at Rin, silently, unblinking.

It’s making Rin uncomfortable. So, he hands out napkins and straws, letting Makoto figure out which drink belongs to who. “Um… thanks for inviting me to eat with you guys”.

And that has Haru rolling his eyes and placing his book in his backpack. He caps his bottle of water and slides it into his pocket then gathers up the two slices Makoto had given him. Eyeing Sousuke, he pretends to reach for another shrimp and when Sousuke drops his guard to swat at him, he spins himself to stand behind the other's chair, then pivots again to his roommates other side and grabs a handful of seafood, wiggling his fingers around in the take-out box for good measure and hastily walks away.

“GOD DAMMIT!”, Sousuke roars, throwing a chopstick at Haru’s retreating form.

Rin nervously takes a sip of his drink, eyes glued to the table. If someone is about to get murdered, he doesn’t want to be a witness. He imagines his mother’s reaction to getting a call from him, telling her that after being away from home for less than a week, he’s had to go to the police station to give his statement on watching some guy be ripped apart for stealing food.

“A shame he doesn’t play basketball with us more often.”, Kisumi sighs, “Awesome footwork. He’d make our games more fun. Right, Makoto?”

Makoto shakes his head, swallowing a bite of pizza, “It’s just not his thing. Hey,” he nudges Rin’s arm with his elbow, “it’s fine. That’s just how their friendship works”.

Kisumi laughs, “Yeah, that’s how they show each other they _care_ ”.

Sousuke snorts, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’m dumping the rest of this on his bed”.

“No, you won’t. You planned to share with him, that’s why you bought enough for two. Anyway!! Makoto, you want to come shopping with me, Rin and Sousuke?”

“Why am I going?”, Sousuke asks, leaning across the table to get a piece of pizza.

“Sorry, I can’t”, Makoto’s brows knit together and he looks truly apologetic, “My instructor needs me for something”.

Kisumi chuckles, balling up his napkin and tossing it into a trashcan, “Yeah, she needs your dick”.

Makoto gapes at his friend, pink spreading from cheek to cheek and up to his ears, completely scandalized. “Kisumi,” he hisses, “the jokes been played out. I would prefer our new friend not to think I’m involved in something like that”.

Rin smiles to himself, amused by the others antics. From what he could tell, they seemed to be good people, and not once have any of them put him down or tried to make him feel worse about himself.

Makoto is really good at reading people, Rin had figured that out the very first day they met. Kisumi is just kind and it seems like he actually is loved by most of the people here. He’s always getting stopped by groups that just want to chit-chat. He never leaves Rin out. Sousuke… Rin is still cautious of him but from what he can tell, the other is warm and caring beneath the stoic mask he puts on.

Makoto says his goodbye’s and get’s his things together to leave.

“Deuces”, Sousuke says, lazily extending his index and middle fingers.

Kisumi places his hand on the back of Sousuke’s, patting it and pushing it back down onto the table while shaking his head, “Don’t… Don’t do that”.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The shopping trip isn’t anything like what Rin was expecting. They were done quickly, Kisumi making Rin try on only one pair of jeans that he explained had different measurements from the other pants he’d picked out. Sousuke even got involved, tossing two shirts into Rin’s pile, though he still grumbled about having to be there in the first place.

Rin took the opportunity to buy a bathrobe, as well. They had a shower in their personal bathroom but it didn’t work. So, they had to use the communal shower room on their floor and walking back to their room in nothing but a towel was something Rin never wanted to experience again. He’d thought to bring his clothes with him, but Kisumi assured him that they would either get soaked or stolen, so it was best to just leave all of that in the room.

Kisumi didn’t seem bothered in the least about prancing around with only a small towel around his hips for modesty and his shower sandals. He even stood in the hall to talk to two girls for a few minutes, while Rin made his way back to their room as fast as he could.

Rin is a bit envious of Kisumi’s confidence. Maybe it’ll rub off on him.

~ * ~ 

Only four days into classes starting and Rin is swamped with work. How he’s going to manage to find, and keep, a part-time job once his saving runs out, and still maintain his grades, he’s really not sure. It seems impossible, but it can’t be since he see’s other people juggling it just fine.

Sitting down at his desk, he drops a textbook on the hard surface, a dull _thud_ getting his roommate’s attention from where he’s sprawled out on his bed. Rin groans and bends forward, cradling his head in his arms, “Is it too early to drop out?”

Kisumi leans up on his forearm, placing his phone beside him, “It’ll get better. Just gotta get used to it. Hey! There’s something I want you to hear”. He quickly makes his way across the room and leans over Rin, waking his computer screen and typing in the password without a single incident.

“I really don’t have time to take a break right…,” Rin pauses, eyebrows knitting together, “How long have you known my password?”

Grinning, Kisumi clicks on a link, “Couple of days. Don’t worry. I didn’t look at any of your incredibly boring porn or anything”. Rin quirks an eyebrow and inhales but before he can speak, Kisumi is waving a hand in his face, shushing him, “There, the player loaded. Listen”.

The audio cut in just at the end of a song, that Rin thinks he hasn’t heard before. Then, someone speaks.

_“Tonight, when I go back to my room and stare blankly at my ceiling, hoping the people on the other side of the wall will be involved in a horrible freak accident involving their refrigerator, three-month-old fast food and a used condom - resulting in them suffering IN SILENCE for a good portion of their lives - I’ll still be wondering why the fuck the assholes in charge of our education don’t give us time to get adjusted before shoving loads of projects up our asses”._

Rin looks up at Kisumi who is smirking fondly at the computer, leaning on his hip against the desk, “What is this?”

“Ssshhh”, Kisumi nods his head at the device.

_“…. tell us that to get anywhere in life, we need a degree. We need to further our education and learn to deal with the stress of being ‘an adult’. And the method used to accomplish this? Torture. They want to beat us and break us down til we are the mindless zombies they need us to be. Unable to think for ourselves. Some idiot making your life a living hell that just happens to be your superior? TOO BAD! That’s the way the world works so just do your fucking job and you can drink away your suicidal thoughts after you’ve gone home for the day because unless you treat other people like shit, you’re doomed to be a slave to your life”._

_“On a lighter note: Let’s welcome all the freshman! Like the ones in the room next to mine. That I don’t exactly wish death upon but extreme amounts of pain because THEY’RE TOO LOUD! You’ve been here less than two weeks and I’ve already had to suffer through hearing you have sex at least five times. Three of those, the girl was faking it, in case you were unaware. I’ve heard more fulfilled moans from people eating a salad than the sounds coming from your room. Pathetic”_

A song starts playing and Rin stares at the screen, absolutely confused. This is what Kisumi wanted him to hear? Yes, most of what was said was true but it didn’t change anything. Like he said, that’s the way the world works. It was a bit liberating to hear someone else voice how he felt but ultimately it accomplished nothing. Strangely, Rin felt a bit more relaxed. The guy did have a nice voice. Deep, but not gruff. Smooth and assured.

“You know how there’s the main campus station? Well, this one is for those of us who prefer something… not mainstream?”, Kisumi chuckles, “He’s a riot, don’t you think?”

“But… won’t he get shut down for saying stuff life that?”

Kisumi snorts, “The hell he would raise if they tried. It’s not an official thing and the office they use for this is on an abandoned floor in one of the buildings. There’s a couple other DJ's that have shifts during the day but this guy comes on around eight and leaves whenever he feels like it. Kinda… go with the flow”. Kisumi taps his finger against his lips, “Aloof. I think that best describes him”.

Rin nods, accepting the other’s explanation. It wasn’t like this really affected him in any way, yet he was curious. Increasingly so. He didn’t even understand it himself. Maybe he was clinging to this because he wanted to make a good impression on his friend by showing interest in something that the other obviously liked. “Do you know the guy”?

The question seems to make Kisumi a bit uncomfortable. He rubs his neck, turning away from the other, “Kinda sorta. Um… occasionally you can request songs! Well, I mean, you can always request them but he doesn’t play most. Look at the time! I’ve got a study group to get to. What time are you planning on lights out?”

“Ten at the latest. I haven’t been sleeping well”, Rin frowns. Just admitting to it makes his eyelids feel heavy.

Kisumi pockets his phone and grabs a jacket from his closet, “I might not come back tonight. If I do, I’ll be sure to let you get your beauty sleep~. Later!”

Rin exhales slowly once the door shuts. He doesn’t feel as anxious around Kisumi anymore but conversations are still a struggle. He’s worried he’ll say something that’ll make the other think less of him, and that’s the last thing he wants. Kisumi is quickly becoming his best friend, and Sousuke, by proxy, because they seem to spend a lot of time together.

Makoto has popped in from time-to-time, but for the most part, he’s been busy. He’s promised to make an appearance more often as soon as things die down and he doesn’t spend his free time with the other RA’s, thwarting freshman’s attempts to party in the dorm. Rin has noticed a lot of first years that weren’t assigned there showing up on his floor and in other parts of the building.

Hearing that voice filter through his speakers once more, Rin’s attention falls from his textbook.

_“My partner is forcing me to say this. He’s holding a gun to my head as I speak. Well, not so much a gun as an angry scowl with a hint of underlying constipation. If you want to hear a song, call in. If it sucks, I won’t play it. I would prefer it if you didn’t request anything,” deep sigh, “but if you must, avoid songs pertaining to septic blood between two people, boasting about their financial stability, or talking about the multiple sexual encounters they’ve had, thus leading me to ponder exactly how many diseases the artist contracted. If you want to hear any of those themes, I suggest the main station. It would better suit your refined tastes”._

Rin snickers, having completely forgotten about the chapter he should be reading over. He’s been staring at the two phone numbers listed at the top of the page, the urge to make use of it growing stronger with every charmingly sarcastic word he hears. He feels bold and in a moment of dizzying courage, he’s pressing the numbers of the first digits on his phone screen and placing it against his ear.

His mouth is watering and his fingers begin to tremble, so he tightens his grip on his phone. After the second ring, he looses his nerve and has every intention to end the call then and there. He begins to move the cell away from his ear but then, every muscle in his body tenses at once.

_“Yeah?”_

It’s the voice that was speaking from his computer only seconds ago. He hadn’t even thought of a song he wanted to hear. Why the hell did he call? This guy didn’t seem like he particularly enjoyed communicating with others, and more than likely had little patience for someone like Rin.

He takes a shuddering breath, clears his throat and tries to greet the person on the other end of the line. His voice breaks at first, but he forces himself to carry on. This person doesn’t know who Rin is. And he’ll never know unless Rin tells him, so there’s nothing to be scared of, right? No reason to be nervous at all. “H-hello”.

A pause, followed by an annoyed huff.

_“Can I help you with something or are you content on breathing into the phone?”_

“Ah! I.. I’d like to request a song?”

_“Are you asking for my permission? Because my answer will be no”._

“O-oh… Sorry”, Rin presses his lips together in a firm line. This was a stupid idea. Rin’s difficulties are with actually **talking** to people. Of course, the fact that the other can’t see him would make no difference.

_“I was joking. Tell me what song and then I’ll decide if my answer is no. Which it probably will be”._

“Umm….”, Rin squirms around in his chair, “[Help, I’m Alive by Metric](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtA7YIFapnY)?”

_“ **Tell me** what song”._

Rin sits up straight, clutching the fabric of his sweat pants in the fist on his knee, “Help, I’m Alive!”

He could be mistaken, but he thinks he hears a soft laugh from the other.

_“It’s a terrible affliction, isn’t it? I think I can deal with this song”._

“Th-thank y–”, Rin’s phone beeps. He pulls it away from his ear and looks at the flashing timer on the screen, telling him how long the call lasted before it ended. Abruptly.

He smiles anyway. He noticed the way the DJ's tone softened the tiniest bit with the last words he spoke. It made his heart flutter, which caught him completely off guard. He doesn’t have time to dwell on it because another song comes to an end and the DJ's voice cuts in.

_“Actually got a request that isn’t too bad. I wouldn’t mind call-in’s if they want me to play songs like this. Thank you for restoring my rapidly deflating hope that not all of the people on campus are completely brain dead”_

And his song starts playing.

~*~

Somehow, somewhere within the course of two weeks, Rin’s connection with the DJ evolved into something akin to friendship. The compliment he’d received that first night had him calling the next night, and the next, and suddenly he and this guy were staying on the phone for far longer than was required. They talked music, majors, and slowly became acquainted with each other.

The DJ was looking to a career in art, same as Rin, except the other gravitated towards painting where Rin was searching for the right fit for himself in graphic design. The guy was also rather uncooperative when it came to personal details about himself dealing with his looks, when his classes were and the like.

Rin wanted to meet him. They got along so well and it seemed like there was the possibility of more. But, the DJ was firmly against seeing each other in person. He said it would complicate things. ‘Why try to fix something that isn’t broken’, he’d say.

It was obvious to Rin that this was a barrier. Whether he thought Rin wasn’t worth the trouble or he was scared that he WAS worth it and he’d get too close wasn’t clear. For now, he was alright remaining this way. The thought of finally seeing who he’s been talking to excited him, but also terrified him. It would already sting if the DJ decided he’d grown tired of their casual chats and put an end to it. It would be worse if they got close in person and it happened.

Keeping up with their game of bearing their souls while hiding their identities, they’d decided on using nicknames. Put on the spot, Rin had stammered out “R-red” when the other asked what to call him. And was given a single letter in return.

_“N”._

“N?”, Rin furrows his brows, “At least I came up with an actual word”.

_“It’s a colour”._

Rin scoffs, flopping back against his pillows, “Still a word”. 

They’ve talked enough by now that Rin knows ‘N’ just didn’t want to be bothered trying to pick out a decent name for himself. So the conversation moves on, to something that’s come up multiple times, even though Rin has tried countless times to side-step it.

“It’s normal to be concerned about how other’s see you. I was scared to death the first time we talked. Even though I had no idea that _this_ would happen, I still didn’t want you thinking I was a dumbass”.

_“I don’t see the point. You’re too self-conscious and you have no reason to be. You have a better personality than the vast majority of the other empty shells stumbling around this planet. And I didn’t think you were a dumbass. Naive, maybe”._

Rin rolls onto his side, looking around Kisumi’s half of the room, “I’m definitely not naive”.

_“There was a study proven to be accurate a while back. People’s view of themselves is incredibly different than what they actually look like. This is true for people who think they are far more attractive than average as well as those that perceive themselves as hideous. Self-esteem is a huge factor in this and the argument was raised that by drawing certain parts of your body, you can determine how little or much you think of yourself”._

“Interesting. Have you ever tried it?”

_“Yes, and I see myself how everyone else does. I’m curious about your impression of yourself”._

Rin smirks, maybe they would be meeting after all, “What do you suggest? You think I should sketch my face and ask my roommate if it looks like me? Because, no. That would be embarrassing. And you don’t get to see me unless I see you”.

_“Choose a different part of your body. One that I wouldn’t be able to recognize you by. What is the most common organ on a male that he is more likely to have delusions of?”_

Rin’s cheeks instantly heat up. He swallows thickly, and attempts to keep his voice level, “You want me to draw my dick? And then send it to you?”

_“Yes. I doubt you walk around with your penis hanging out, so I can’t identify you that way. This is just to test a theory but if you’re too ashamed I understand, there isn’t really anything else we could choose from… Unless you have doubts about your feet. Do you?”_

He looks down at his feet, crossed at the ankles, and wiggles his toes, “No. So, you want me to do this now?”

_“If you want. I have to get off of here for a bit. I’ve already played seven songs in a row so I need to rant about something. Get it hard first”._

Rin bolts up to sitting, choking on his words and doesn’t get the chance to respond before the other hangs up. He tosses his phone to the foot of his bed and scrubs his hands over his eyes. He knows he has the option of not doing this. ‘N’ wouldn’t even press him about it, though he would probably point out how he was right in assuming Rin thought little of himself.

They’re friends, right? Friends… look at each other’s dicks… Don’t they? He’s seen strictly heterosexual men playing that game where you get your friend to look at your cock and if you’re successful you punch the other. And this is different anyway. There is a reason for this. On top of that, Rin didn’t want to just hand victory of this challenge over to ‘N’.

“Right”, Rin says to himself, leaning over to take his art pad from the top drawer of his nightstand and retrieve a pencil. He props himself up against his headboard and hesitates. He needs to get aroused. The risk of Kisumi walking in while he’s watching porn is too high so he’ll just have to use his imagination.

Setting the art pad and pencil to the side, he slides his hand beneath the waistband of his pants and boxers. He begins palming himself, closing his eyes and lolling his head back. Rin tries to conjure up an image, something to speed this along when ‘N’’s voice reaches his ears and he begins to harden.

All reason flies out the window until he suddenly realizes he’s vigorously stroking his erect cock to the sound of a man’s voice and he doesn’t even know what he looks like. So, maybe he’s developed a small crush on ‘N’. No big deal.

He slows his breathing and grabs his phone first, wrapping his fingers around his base and snapping a picture, just in case he goes down while he’s trying to draw. Rin makes quick work of the sketch, using minimal shading and choosing to leave out small details, like the precum building up at the tip. He add’s the bottom of his pelvis and the tops of his thighs to the drawing for reference and then all but throws the art pad and pencil down.

’N’ was speaking again and Rin finishes himself off, not really listening to what the other is saying, only the tone of his voice. He feels guilty but it was probably a fluke. He’s sexually frustrated because he hasn’t touched himself since he first arrived. Going on a month now.

As long as it doesn’t happen again, he’ll put it out of his mind. This isn’t something to worry over. It’s not like he imagined himself cumming on ‘N’’s face or anything. Would anyone actually get offended by knowing someone got off to their voice? He cleans up while he reasons with himself and comes to the conclusion that, no, what just happened wasn’t weird at all.

He knows he’s going through the motions, taking another picture - of his sketch this time - and sending it. He tears the page out of the sketchbook and folds it up, stuffing it under his mattress for now.

When he hears the distinct sound of keys against the door and the lock clicking, Rin frantically situates himself on his bed, finding the most inconspicuous pose possible. Which earned a raised brow and narrowed eyes as soon as Kisumi entered the room.

Glancing around, Kisumi approaches Rin’s bed, sniffing the air, “It doesn’t _smell_ like weed… What are you up to?”

Rin shakes his head, nervously cracking his knuckles, “Nothing. Just listening to music”.

“You’re acting suspiciously”.

Rin opens and closes his mouth a few times before replying, “Everything’s fine”.

Kisumi stares him down, an unusually serious expression glued in place, “If there is a partially naked person in the bathroom that’s going to scare me to death when I open the door, just tell me. I won’t ask questions and I’ll keep it between us. I just don’t want to fall out and probably empty my bladder all over the floor”.

“Why would a partially naked person be in the bathroom?”

“Because when you’re in the middle of things and your roommate walks in– Never mind. I’m watching you, Matsuoka”, his playful smile curls his lips and Kisumi walks to his own bed, getting settled down, earbuds in and a book propped on his legs.

Rin is fully aware that Kisumi is just messing with him, but the thought of the other somehow finding out that he just pretty much sent a dick pic, to a complete stranger really, was something he’d rather not happen. When he’s finally starting to calm down, his phone rings.

He scrambles to answer it, hoping that Kisumi’s music is loud enough that it will block everything out, “H-hello?”

_“I need a picture of the real thing. I can’t compare otherwise”._

Rin lowers his voice, cupping his hand around his mouth and hunching his shoulders, “This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done, I hope you know that”. He uses the picture he’d taken earlier, his attention directed at the other in the room because Kisumi always somehow just KNOWS what’s happening. He’s a bit lightheaded, and when the silence on the other end is broken by a single word, he nearly jumps off the bed.

_“ **Naive** ”._

Blinking rapidly, Rin attempts to make sense of what the other was saying. In a rush, the words spoken before ‘N’ had suggested this entire thing comes back to him. Of course, he didn’t want Kisumi to know what he was doing because it was **exactly** what it would seem like. Rin’s entire face is flushed and he can’t decide if he’s humiliated or angry, and whether it’s at himself or his friend being an ass.

_“There is some truth behind it. And your impression is fairly accurate… The length is about right, anyway. Girth, you don’t give yourself enough credit. ”_

His stomach churns and his chest tightens, “Please don’t use this against me”.

Silence again. Rin is on the verge of panic, but what’s said next calms him almost instantly.

_“I wouldn’t do that to you. I’ve told you things that’s never once left my mouth to anyone else. I thought you knew we were closer than that?”_

Rin presses his hand against his chest, willing his heart back to a normal rhythm. He manages a shaky “Yeah”, but he hopes the other can hear the smile in his voice.

_“Besides, this could be anyone. Unless someone can tell it’s you from that small beauty mark just to the left. That wasn’t in the sketch, by the way”._

“Wha…”, Rin tugs out his waistband and peers down, because fuck, he didn’t even know about it. He shifts around, trying to get a better view without a free hand to help him out.

Kisumi clears his throat, and when Rin looks up, he’s met with violet eyes, shimmering with amusement. Kisumi looks almost in pain, trying to hold back his laughter, “What are you doing?”, he pulls out one of his earbuds, actually waiting for an explanation.

“I…”, Rin releases the elastic and flinches when it snaps against his skin, “I thought I felt something”.

Kisumi squints at him, “If you have crabs, kindly stay on your side of the room”.

“What?!”, Rin shrieks, only then realizing what he’d implied, “I don’t!”

_“You don’t what?”._

“MY ROOMMATE THINKS I HAVE CRABS!”, Rin yells into the phone, “AND STOP LOOKING AT MY DICK!”

Kisumi flicks his finger from Rin to his phone, “Is this some weird role-play thing? Am I interrupting?”, he asks through his laughter.

“Oh my gggooodddd”, he groans, giving up and falling on his side, turning to bury his face into his pillow, “I’ve gotta go”.

_“[The Katies. Powerkiss.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx3-k5fRkIU) One of my favorite songs that embarrasses me. Goodnight”._

Rin grunts and blindly hangs up. He’s positive the blush on his cheeks is hot enough to set his bed on fire, and it only worsens when he hears ‘N’’s dedication through his computer speakers.

_“I’ve never really felt the need to apologize for anything before. I guess there’s a first time for everything. For you, Red. I listen to it a lot more lately.”_

Rin folds his arms under his pillow and snuggles closer to it, a smile playing on his lips as the song floats into his room.

~ * ~

Wild parties. People going crazy, letting loose, high off of whatever substance they chose as their poison. Raves, keggers, alcohol shoved in your face everywhere you turn. Week long benders and dealing with your roommate having drunken sex with multiple different one-night stands.

This is what Rin had expected his life to be like on campus, but it wasn’t like that at all. Sure, there were parties and occasionally things got a bit rambunctious in the dorms, but Makoto and the other RA’s were fairly quick to shut it down when it became a problem and though he was under the impression that Kisumi was all for living it up, he very rarely mentioned any parties and never brought booze to the room.

There was that one night, Rin was awoken by muffled gasps and whispers. This is when he realized that he was correct in thinking Kisumi wasn’t opposed to same-sex relations. And he was fairly certain that the other participate was someone he knew. It was an awkward position to be in, though. He gave them their privacy as best he could, kept his back to them and his eyes shut and popped his earbuds in.

Kisumi later figured out that they’d woke Rin and the following night he apologized wholeheartedly. And that’s how Rin found out about Kisumi and Sousuke’s situation. They’d apparently been seeing each other for a while, but from Kisumi’s standpoint, it wasn’t anything serious because Sousuke was predominately ‘straight’. He told Rin that, ‘Sexuality is of no importance at university, and practically everyone uses the excuse that they were simply experimenting and then go about their lives, same as before, once they graduate’.

He looked sad while he spoke, and tried to hide it with a lopsided grin, but Rin could tell the words caused him pain.

They spent the rest of that night watching romantic comedies on Rin’s bed and binging on junk food.

Rin had also formed the habit of accompanying Sousuke to the gym on campus. Little-by-little, the other started opening up, though he tried to keep things as cryptic as he could. He expressed his deep feelings for ‘the person’ he was ‘messing around’ with, but felt that confessing would make his partner lose interest in him. All Rin could do was encourage him to be honest. He wanted to out both of them to each other, but doing something like that could backfire. So, he remained quiet and continued to be their confidant. But his heart ached for them both.

Makoto began coming around more often, so Rin was able to spend more time with him than just a few minutes for lunch - when they would all get together. He took his ‘job’ very seriously and did his best to make sure that, even when he wasn’t on duty, everyone on the floor could come to him with any problems. He seemed to spend most of his free-time with Haru, Rin figured out.

Haru… It’s been two months and the guy still hasn’t said the first word to Rin. As a matter of fact, he hasn’t spoke at all when Rin’s around. They even have two classes together yet, nothing. He thinks, more often than not, the others deep blue eyes are glued to him, but he’s never outright caught Haru staring at him. At first, it unsettled Rin. He didn’t know how to react. He didn’t know if he should bring it up because what if he was wrong? He’d look like the biggest ass ever.

And then there’s ‘N’.

The turning point was when ‘N’ started calling Rin after he’d signed off of the webcast for the night. Sometimes, they would talk for a while longer, but sometimes… they would fall asleep listening to the sound of each other’s voice. 

At this point, Rin has made up his mind. He wants to meet ‘N’. He wants to chance furthering their relationship. He wants to be able to _feel_ ‘N’. 

He’s been changing. Probably a combination of Kisumi and ‘N’’s influence, Makoto’s kind nature rubbing off on him as well as Sousuke’s indifference to socializing. This realization slammed into him on a trip back from the shower with Kisumi. Both practically naked, towel around their own waists, chatting with people in the hallway. It made Rin puff out his chest a bit, proud of himself for letting ago and allowing himself to quit worrying so much.

But, things are at a stalemate with ‘N’. He doesn’t match Rin’s enthusiasm about taking this step to change things between them - **at all**. ‘The only benefit would be strictly physical’, he explained. And while Rin agrees that they know each other better than anyone else due to the circumstances of their relationship, the novelty of phone sex has worn off and he wants more. The things he’d brought along for self-pleasure just weren’t cutting it anymore.

Admittedly, this entire thing escalated rather quickly. But, Rin is decidedly bitter about ‘N’ putting the brakes on their progress. It makes him question the authenticity of being ‘a couple’. The thought of ‘N’ just playing with him the entire time makes him nauseous.

“Shit”, Rin hisses, tripping over the first step in the stairwell. He bends down to pick up the books and papers he’s dropped, hearing the door click shut behind him.

This was his first time visiting Sousuke and Haru’s room, three floors below his and Kisumi’s. Kisumi decided to stay back and make use of the small time-frame before Haru was to be back in his room. Rin didn’t want to stick around for what was sure to follow.

“Red”.

The voice echoes in the quiet space and Rin’s eyes immediately flick to the flights above him. He can feel his pulse jumping and gradually brings himself to stand upright. He can’t see anyone, but he knows he didn’t just imagine the sound.

“How do you know it’s me?”, Rin asks the empty space around him.

“I’ve known who you were from the beginning”

Rin’s brows knit together, “You sound like a stalker”.

A huffed laugh bounces off the walls and down to Rin, “Hardly. You’ve seen me around”.

“Come down here”, Rin bites his bottom lip. He knows it’s unlikely the other will just show himself now and it’s taking everything within him not to bound up the steps to try to catch a glimpse of the man he’s spent so much time getting to know. But, he keeps his feet still.

“Close your eyes”.

Rin puts his hands on his hips, “Why?”

He hears shuffling but still doesn’t see even a shadow.

“I’ll come, but you have to keep your eyes shut”.

Now Rin’s crossing his arms over his chest, “That’s unfair. You can see me, you’ve KNOWN what I look like this entire time, but I still don’t get to see you?”

“It’ll only complicate things, Rin. Why change what we have now?”, the other’s voice sounds strained.

“Change is a good thing”, Rin snaps.

“Not always. I’d rather stay like we are than make this decision and everything end”.

Rin tilts his head to the side, brows slanting down. He closes his eyes, “There. But I don’t agree with this. If anything, we could get closer if we’d just drop this stupid barrier between us”.

Soft footsteps drag over a few steps before halting, “Don’t open them. If you do, I’ll call this entire thing off. I won’t take your calls anymore”.

Rin hums, and instead of responding to that, says, “You know my name. So either you really are a stalker or you are more familiar with me than I think. Kisumi told me he knows you… Didn’t have anything bad to say about you. Didn’t say much about you at all, really”.

The footsteps grow slightly louder, and Rin turns his head when he hears them stop just at the bottom of the flight up.

“Strange. Kisumi occasionally has problems with keeping secrets. I guess he’s keeping quiet because of that mess of a relationship, that he claims to be just friends with benefits, that he has with Yamazaki”.

Rin can feel another presence in front of him now. His hands tremble and he’s considering reaching out and grabbing the other so he can’t run away. He’s going to open his eyes. It’s selfish but what ‘N’ is asking of him is selfish, too. Then, he feels a hand over his eyes.

“Don’t”.

“Please”, the whispered request leaves Rin on an exhale.

Instead of an answer, he feels himself being guided back until he’s against a wall. A tug at the hem of his shirt.

“Take your arms out. I promise I won’t do anything unless you say it’s alright”.

Rin is hesitant, but complies. He trusts ‘N’. This probably speaks volumes about the conversation they had about Rin being naive, but all Rin can think about right now is how the body in front of him is warm and how much he’s been craving this kind of contact.

Once he has his arms out, he feels his shirt being lifted up and the fabric being pulled taut around his head, ‘N’ being careful not to move his hand until the shirt is obstructing Rin’s vision. He feels silly in this situation and he wants to ask ‘N’ to at least pull the neck of the shirt up a bit to free his mouth, but he doesn’t get the chance.

A warm forehead presses against Rin’s bare shoulder, “You can touch me”.

Instantly, Rin brings his hand up and glides over a smooth jaw, cheek, then up into coarse hair. ‘N’ lifts his head and Rin runs the tips of his fingers of his other hand over plump, soft lips. He can feel the other’s breath shudder and the hold on his shirt tightens.

“… Can I?”

Rin caresses the side of ‘N’’s face and slides his other hand along the expanse of his neck, “I want you to”.

Cool, slender fingers ghost over his abdominals, moving so slowly it causes him to shiver. It feels like the other is savoring him, tasting him through touch and Rin pulls at ‘N’’s neck and presses their lips together. The fabric restricts them but Rin can feel their breath mingling and fanning over his face. It’s almost suffocating but sensual. Rin wants him. Rin wants to feel anything he’ll give.

The shirt dampens with their saliva, slotting their mouths together and moving their tongues against each other, making them both even more hungry for a real connection.

“Kiss me. Really.”, Rin pants, sliding his hands under the other’s shirt, pressing his palms against toned muscle.

‘N’ pulls the fabric up to just above Rin’s top lip. Rin can feel how close they are. He wouldn’t have to move much for their lips to come in full contact. He holds his breath and –

The sound of a door opening somewhere above them makes them both jump. Multiple footsteps and loud chattering fill the stairwell and within seconds, Rin feels the pull on his shirt loosen and the heat from the other is gone.

Frantically shoving his arms through his shirt and situating it as best he can, he almost runs into the people coming down the steps as he lunges for the door and stumbles into the hallway.

Nothing.

Not thinking clearly Rin knocks on the first door he comes to. ‘N’ had to go into one of them. There’s no other way he could have disappeared so fast. If Rin has to, he’ll knock on every damn door on the floor.

His phone chimes and he fishes it from his pocket to see a text.

\- _N: Next time. Be patient_ -

When someone answers the door he’d just beat on, Rin almost sobs a “Never mind”, as he hangs his head and goes to retrieve his forgotten books and papers in the stairwell.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haru stands wide eyed, breathing erratic and pressing his back against the door to keep anyone from pushing it open. It takes him a few moments to register what exactly he’s seeing.

Sousuke sits atop Kisumi, who is laying on the bed, tapping Sousuke’s chest and painfully gasping, “Tight… clenching. IT HURTS!”

“WHAT THE FUCK, HARU?!” Sousuke snarls, bunching the covers up around his waist and covering Kisumi in the process.

Haru swallows, unable to come up with any sarcastic comment about the position he’s found his friends in, though it’s not the first time. “Rin”, is all he can manage.

Sousuke arches an eyebrow, leaning over to grab clothes off the floor and Kisumi let’s out a relieved sigh when Sousuke shifts off of him, “What about Rin? You don’t even talk to him”.

Haru inhales and slouches down to the floor, “Just… put some clothes on”.

.

.

.

“So wait,” Sousuke massages the bridge of his nose, then folds his arm back over his unclothed chest, shoving his other hand in the pocket of his sweatpants, “You’re telling me, you’ve been in a ‘phone relationship’ with Rin for almost two months and he doesn’t know _it’s you_?!”, he goes from leaning on his desk to sitting on the edge.

Kisumi tuts, shaking his head, his pink fringe falling into his eyes, “That’s pretty cruel. You don’t think you’re treating him terribly?”

Haru lies back on his bed and doesn’t respond. He knows his friends are trying to help, but what they are saying is so hypocritical considering what they’re putting each other through. Maybe it isn’t fair to Rin, but ruining their relationship just because they want physical contact is unfair, too.

When Haru first met Rin, he didn’t speak to him only because he didn’t know him. But, there was something about the other that drew Haru in and led to long conversations and learning one another. It happened so fast that Haru was blindsided by his feelings. Then, it was too risky. To find out that the one you’ve been telling your secrets to was actually the person sitting across the table from you at lunch everyday would be devastating.

Why can’t Rin understand that everything is fine the way it is?

~ * ~

Haru is reconsidering having Sousuke help him out with the webcast station. Since he finally fessed up about the happenings between Rin and himself, Sousuke has been on his case. Maybe the other feels that resolving this particular ‘injustice’ will make him feel better about his own relationship.

Whatever the reason, it’s quickly getting on Haru’s nerves.

Rin isn’t pushing it as hard as he initially thought he would, and that makes him feel worse. He can’t tell if Rin is hurting or if he has genuinely gotten over his want to further things. It’s troubling.

Rin’s requested a song again, but this time he said it’s something he specifically wants Haru to hear. He said it’s the song he always listens to when Haru is on his mind.

After listening to [WALK THE MOON’s Aquaman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRVgptW7bYg), Haru has decided that he was entirely wrong and Rin was complete shit at being subtle. Pressure was another thing he was trying to avoid by not meeting Rin face-to-face. That’s went to hell.

It takes a total of three days before Haru snaps. Sousuke is lecturing him again. Running his mouth like he has any right to be giving advice.

“He deserves better than you treating him like he’s worthless. Just tell him you’re an inconsiderate bastard that can’t be honest with his feelings, apologize, and do it **in person** ”, Sousuke leans back in his chair, watching Haru through the Plexiglas , “I’m sure he’ll forgive you. I’m not sure why, but I want you to be happy”.

Haru springs from his seat and storms over to the door, muttering, “Then stop talking”, before closing it, effectively separating him from the other.

Fine. If everyone thinks that coming clean will fix everything, let’s see how it works for them.

Haru sits, adjusting the microphone and fading the music out, “What is it about other’s problems that makes people feel the need to voice their opinions like they’re needed, or even wanted? Especially, when the people giving the advice has an equally fucked up situation of their own that they refuse to deal with. I have these friends that have been fucking each other regularly for over a year now…”

Haru turns to the glass to see Sousuke frozen in place. Haru’s never seen Sousuke look scared before but if he had to name the expression on his face, he’d go with horrified.

“They dance around the seriousness of it all, claiming the relationship has no real basis, when in reality…”

Sousuke his is shaking his head, mouthing “Don’t do it”, but Haru wants him to understand that he should keep his mouth shut until he solves his own problems.

“One was inexperienced when it came to relations with the same sex. Freshman year, they got wasted and ended up getting fucked by one of their friends, who was equally as shitfaced. Great way to start things off, right? Well, apparently that one taste wasn’t enough and they went back for more. Gradually, the two became exclusive, though they wouldn’t, and still won’t, admit to it”

Sousuke covers his mouth and nose with his hand, eyes wide and glassy.

“Well, the, quote unquote, straight one is so in love with the other that they came out to their parents, but they have so little faith in the other that they are still leading their partner to believe that it’s just a fling in fear of the other getting bored and ending everything. They honestly believe their partner is that shallow.”

Sousuke punches the Plexiglas and jumps to his feet, sending his chair tumbling to the floor. He raises his middle finger, moving his lips to say “Fuck you”.

Haru gives him a deadpan stare, and keeps talking, “The other party of this tragedy is no better. They’ve been thinking of calling the whole thing off for a while now. They are so sure that they will be tossed to the side soon that they’ve still been flirting with other people and getting phone numbers for back-up fuck friends because that’s the only way they know how to deal with emotional pain… Finding a new bed to crawl into and pretending that all of their relationships that’s ended can be fixed by another warm body”

“And they think,” Haru breathes out a bitter laugh, “that they are in a position to give other people relationship advice”.

Biting his bottom lip and then snarling, Sousuke punches the glass again, then the cinder block wall, busting his knuckles. He turns, throwing the door open and leaves.

“Only an idiot would think that everything can be fixed with honesty”.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rin is more concerned with the way Kisumi is curled into himself, gripping his hair, than what ‘N’ just said. He has his suspicions, of course, that the entire rant was about his friends but he doesn’t want to jump to any conclusions and waits for Kisumi to talk, rubbing small, comforting circles across the other’s back.

Kisumi raises his head, fixing Rin with a hard stare. Rin doesn’t like this look on his friend. It doesn’t suit him at all. It looks like he wants to say something, but is holding himself back.

“I’ve gotta go. Don’t wait up for me”, Kisumi slides past Rin and gets off the bed. Before he walks out, he halts, “If Sousuke comes by… Tell him you haven’t seen me today”, then the door shuts behind him.

 _“Rin…”_ , is all that comes through the speakers before ‘N’ goes quiet and [a song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96LQx4I6P8Q) fills the silence.

He tries calling ‘N’, but he doesn’t answer. So, he sends him a text instead.

\- _Rin: Are you alright? What’s going on?_ -

He’s freaking out. He’s worried and scared and the only thing he’s sure of is Kisumi is hurt but he can’t even check on him because his phone sits on his nightstand. He thinks to get Makoto, but after pounding on his door for one solid minute, he still hasn’t answered.

Everything is messed up. What spurred this on? Rin wasn’t even aware that Kisumi was this close to ‘N’. So that means…

Rin grabs his phone again and pressed on Sousuke’s name. When it begins ringing, he’s distracted by a melody coming from outside his room and then a knock, followed by what sounds like something sliding down the door.

 _“I fucked up”_ is mumbled from his speakers, immediately followed by [another sad song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIZaP7CtFRA).

Sprinting to the door, he opens it to find Sousuke leaning on his arm in the doorway, head down.

“Is… is Kisumi here?”

The other sounds defeated. Like he already knows the answer and has given up. Rin isn’t good with dealing with himself when he’s sad, much less anyone else, but without putting any thought into it, he pulls the other into a hug.

Sousuke bows his head, hot tears pooling on Rin’s shoulder. They stand there, embracing each other, comforting each other, for what feels like an eternity.

~ ~

Two weeks of cold shoulders from everyone. Well, he’ll admit that Rin is probably refusing to talk to him because he quit responding to any text messages, and from the way those crimson eyes followed his every move the one day he decided to join the others for lunch, it seems like he’s pieced everything together, but trying his hardest to deny it.

No one was speaking to the other, and that day at their lunch table Sousuke stuck around for all of thirty seconds before slamming his bandaged fist on the table and walking away.

His roommate either acts like he’s asleep when Haru get’s in or he doesn’t show up until late into the night, after Haru is usually in bed.

So, it’s a surprise when the door slams and Haru catches sight of Sousuke taking his usual spot on the other side of the glass of their office. For the second time in his life, Haru wants to apologize for his actions, but he doesn’t dare. Words will do nothing to help the situation.

So instead, Haru uses the webcast to vent.

“Love makes you dumb. It cripples you from using logic. Makes you incapable of using common sense. You sometimes unintentionally hurt people. But, only fools think that love can overcome huge obstacles. Sometimes, love can’t stand up to…” Haru trails off.

He see’s Kisumi enter the other room. Sousuke keeps his eyes down, but how they instantly glaze over doesn’t go unnoticed. It’s hard to read their lips. Kisumi is gesturing, shaking his head and talking rapidly. Haru catches him saying “I’m sorry” before he turns away, but then Sousuke’s hand shoots out and catches his wrist.

As he talks, he eases Kisumi closer until he’s cupping his cheeks and they are kissing with such passion Haru has to look the other way. He’s conflicted, and has no control over what he says next, the words tumbling from his mouth of their own accord.

“Only idiots can believe that love will conquer. And I'm...”.

He doesn’t bother with trying to find a song to play. He’s running from the building faster than his brain can catch up to his actions.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rin forces himself not to beat his monitor with his keyboard. So, he was right all along. ‘N’ didn’t love him. His convoluted view on love is a far cry from the romantic vision Rin has. 

Instead of permanently destroying his computer, he decides to turn it off. Anything else ‘N’ has to say, he doesn’t want to hear. He’s done enough damage.

Someone knocks on his door, then jiggles the handle, and knocks again. He’s incredibly worried it’s Kisumi, so he crosses the room quickly and as soon as he starts to pull the door open, it’s forced the rest of the way and hypnotic blue eyes are locking with his.

“I’m an idiot”, Haru declares, in ‘N’’s voice, between gasps.

A flash of movement. A blur of seconds. Rin is on the floor and soft lips are pressing against his own. Tongues are exploring each other and hands are hectic in their quest to map out each other’s skin.

It’s hot.

It’s making him melt.

Mesmerizing.

And he’s blinking and placing his hands against Haru’s chest to push him back.

“You’ve been _right there_ the entire time. You could have told me from the beginning”, Rin sits up and shoves Haru away. “You hurt our friends. You ruined their relationship, for what? To prove a stupid fucking point?!”

“They’re okay now. They made me realize that–”

Rin’s on his feet, pointing to the doorway, “Get out”.

He reaches out to hold Rin’s leg, “Wait. Rin, I–”

“DON’T TOUCH ME!”, Rin yells, jerking away from the others touch, “Get the fuck out!”

~ * ~

Rin was angry at the others at first. They’d known, at least for a little while, about everything that was going on, and didn’t think Rin was worthy of knowing the truth.

Or, that was how Rin felt before realizing that they were just keeping their promise to Haru.

So things leveled off with Kisumi, Sousuke and Makoto. But, Rin hadn’t talked to Haru in almost three weeks. As far as he was concerned, it was done. It was over, even if it did leave his chest feeling empty and a numbing ache in his heart at night.

He could say now, without a doubt, he wasn’t naive. And when Kisumi brought Sousuke into their room and requested Rin sleep in Sousuke’s bed for the night, he saw straight through their plan.

He called their bluff, which resulted in him grabbing the offered key from Sousuke’s hand and barreling into the hallway lightening fast when Kisumi began unbuttoning Sousuke’s pants.

Now he’s here, standing in front of Haru and Sousuke’s room, knocking on the door. He wasn’t going to use the key without making sure the place was empty first. Which, it isn’t.

For a moment, Haru looks shocked to see Rin standing before him. But, Rin is quick to give a brief explanation for his presence and Haru deflates and returns to his bed without a word.

Rin doesn’t want to talk to him. He’s still so mad that his stomach knots up when he even hears his name. But, if he doesn’t get these feelings out, they’re going to tear him apart.

“I trusted you”, Rin starts, not even sure if Haru is even listening to him, “Didn’t you ever stop and think that what you were doing was wrong? Did you ever once **care** about how it would make me feel?”

“Of course I did!”, Haru shoots up from where he was lying on his bed, eyes sharp and open, “I didn’t want it to end”.

Rin scoffs, “What? You thought that if I knew it was you from the start that I would brush you off? You have no faith in me at all!”

“No, I thought you’d be more comfortable that way at first. Then, feelings started growing and I got scared”.

Rin rolls his eyes, sitting on Sousuke’s bed, “Oh, please. You’re so confident in every move you make. I bet you’ll say you knew things would work out with Kisumi and Sousuke, won’t you? You’ll say that’s why you outed them. They were so broken. I'm just glad Makoto could be there for Kisumi and Sousuke was comfortable enough to come to me”.

Haru shakes his head, “No. I wanted to hurt Sousuke. It was a mistake. I've apologized to them both. I know that doesn't make it alright and I owe them a lot, but they've forgiven me. People make mistakes”.

“And I bet that’s what I am to you, yeah?”, Rin spits.

Haru marches across the room and drops onto the mattress, straddling Rin’s lap and cupping his cheeks, “I love you, Rin. I’m glad I was close to you, even for a little while”.

His bottom lip trembling, Rin looks up at the other, “How can I believe you?”

Haru's face is showing more emotion than Rin's ever seen on another person. His broken heart is clearly visible through his eyes, but he doesn't look away, allowing Rin to see everything he keeps hidden from everyone else. Openly giving Rin permission to use this however he wants, "There's no reason you should".

Rin's voice is soft, "I want you to try. Make me believe you".

Haru captures Rin’s lips in a short, sweet kiss and pulls away, letting Rin know that he wants to hear that he’s alright with the contact.

“I’m still very pissed off”, Rin wraps his arms around Haru’s neck and pulls them together, tongues eager to explore each other’s mouths.

They fall back against the mattress and Haru’s hands run through Rin’s hair. Fervent kisses relay their emotions. Hurt, anger, pain, passion, longing, hopefulness, until Rin eases Haru back, breaking the kiss to try to catch his breath.

“Can we say _that_ was our first kiss?”

Haru smiles and presses his lips to Rin’s cheek, “I’d like that”.

.  
.  
.

Rin rolls his hips up to meet Haru’s, rutting against each other, bunching up their boxers.

Moaning into the other’s mouth, Rin spreads his legs a little further to give Haru more room. He turns his head slightly, laughing when Haru just aims his kisses at his jawline. “You’re okay with waiting?”

Haru nips Rin’s earlobe, “We’ll go at your pace. You're in control”.

Rin arches his back and presses his covered erection against Haru with more need, “I’m close”.

They don’t change immediately after, choosing to exchange lazy kisses and hold each other instead. Haru nuzzles his forehead against Rin’s and laces their fingers together, “I’m sorry”.

Rin rubs his free hand up Haru’s sweat-slick back, “We can work through it. Just… stop trying to hide”.

“I won’t anymore. Things changing means the future, and mine is painted in beautiful scarlet and feels like soft lips and warmth”.


End file.
